arenaria: (Default)
Author: arenaria
Voice lets her go.

Shell doesn't know how long it's been. She doesn't know where she is. She doesn't know how to get home, or if she has one.

She stands on Voice's doorstep. She blinks slowly at the brightness.

She walks in a random direction.

Downsiders aren't big on charity. It's not like it's going to kill her if she doesn't get help. It's not like she's unfamiliar with the effects of dehydration and hunger; Voice didn't always remember to take good care of the pet in the basement. Shell walks, and when she's tired she lies down on the ground and sleeps, and when she wakes up she walks, and every few days she curls up on the ground, waits to torch from thirst, and then gets up and goes on.

She doesn't count the number of times this happens. It doesn't matter.

She walks. She has nightmares. She walks.

On an unremarkable day on an unremarkable street after unremarkable stretches of years, she feels herself cross a telltale threshold of dizziness and headache: she cannot make significant forward progress towards Not Where She Is Currently Located until she torches or (less likely) someone gives her a lot of water. It's possible she'll be able to sleep through this torch. She sits. She leans on a wall. She should probably pick up the next sharp object she finds. Maybe a piece of broken glass will present itself. Then she can skip these parts.

She sits, and she closes her eyes, and she waits. If the buildings around her would ever have seemed familiar, they don't now.
finaldiscussion: Thinking. (| more information)
Author: finaldiscussion




It may become apparent that someone is standing over her.
arenaria: (Default)
Author: arenaria
She can still open her eyes. She looks up. But she's well past talking. She doesn't have any saliva left.
finaldiscussion: Thoughtful. (~ in his bleaker moments)
Author: finaldiscussion
"Do you need a torch?" he inquires kindly.
arenaria: (unsettled)
Author: arenaria
"Mm."
finaldiscussion: Hurt or uncertain. (| some latent nobility)
Author: finaldiscussion
He departs.

He returns half a minute later, with a knife.
arenaria: (irked)
Author: arenaria
Shell leans her head back for him. People sometimes offer to torch her when she's like this. So far no one's let her hold the weapon.
finaldiscussion: Nose and mouth and neck. (>> a daring affectation)
Author: finaldiscussion
He might have offered it to her, but he's not entirely sure she could hold it if he did. So he saves either of them the trouble of finding out.
arenaria: (chilly)
Author: arenaria
Shell closes her eyes and doesn't-have-the-water-content-to-whimper when the knife bites, and opens them when she's through torching. She licks her lips. "Thank you," she murmurs.

(This is the part where he walks away, or wants to hear her life story and walks away when it's what it is, or takes her home with him and hurts her for a few hours and then lets her go because most people aren't Voice. She is almost curious which it is.)
finaldiscussion: Shirtless and drinking. (<< or at least perversity)
Author: finaldiscussion
It is not any of those parts.

It is the part where he says: "Would you like some tea?"
arenaria: (useful)
Author: arenaria
Tea. Tea. Shell's vocabulary is a little rusty, but Voice did talk to her, she's overheard this and that in all her walking. Tea is a beverage.

"I would love some tea," she says.

And she gets up.
finaldiscussion: Smug. (<< moderately famous)
Author: finaldiscussion
Strat leads her into his house, and puts the kettle on, and sits down at his kitchen table, and invites her to do the same.
arenaria: (irked)
Author: arenaria
She sits.

"I'm Shell," she says after a moment.
finaldiscussion: Peaceful or distant. (Default)
Author: finaldiscussion
"And I'm Strat. And it seems to me I've seen you before."
arenaria: (preoccupied)
Author: arenaria
"I'm sorry," she says, folding her hands on the table and looking at them. "I don't remember you. I don't remember anything from before - some time ago."
finaldiscussion: Thinking. (| more information)
Author: finaldiscussion
"What do you remember?"
arenaria: (chilly)
Author: arenaria
"Someone loved me once," Shell says automatically. (She repeats this to herself in her thoughts, constantly. It is the only thing before Voice. It is the only important thing.) "I died, I guess, but that's not something I remember, only something that must have happened. I must have been going from somewhere to somewhere else. And then a torturer who I never got a look at and never introduced themselves but I called them Voice in my head found me. And I don't know how long Voice had me. It was a long time. And then they let me go. And I don't know where I reside anymore. So I just walk."
finaldiscussion: Looking over his shoulder. (>> thusly announced)
Author: finaldiscussion
"One moment," he says, and he gets up from the table and goes into another room and brings back a small scrap of paper.

"I believe this is yours."
arenaria: (useful)
Author: arenaria
She looks at it.

It doesn't look exactly like her handwriting, but maybe if her hands didn't shake so much -

"Is it?" she asks. "Was I here once?" Pause. "A residence. Residences accumulate food - and have running water - and I have one. That's - good."

It has been a long time since anything unambiguously good has happened to her. Even Voice releasing her required that Voice catch her in the first place.
finaldiscussion: Hurt or uncertain. (| some latent nobility)
Author: finaldiscussion
"You were here once, and you left me that. And when I went to visit you, there was no sign of you anywhere."
arenaria: (irked)
Author: arenaria
"- Do you know how long ago that was?"
finaldiscussion: Peaceful or distant. (Default)
Author: finaldiscussion
"Around sixty or seventy years."
arenaria: (chilly)
Author: arenaria
That doesn't sound far off the mark to Shell, not that she's been paying attention. She nods once. "I don't remember the place," she says, looking at the paper. "But I guess it's mine." She pauses. "Someone loved me once, I wonder if they made me a nice place."
finaldiscussion: Thoughtful. (~ in his bleaker moments)
Author: finaldiscussion
"I expect that they did."
arenaria: (unsettled)
Author: arenaria
"I wish I could remember who it was."
finaldiscussion: Looking over his shoulder. (>> thusly announced)
Author: finaldiscussion
"You knew someone named Sherlock," he offers. "But you didn't mention anything else about them, so it might not be the same person."
arenaria: (irked)
Author: arenaria
"...It sounds like a name," offers Shell. "Some names I hear people using when they talk outside about people who don't have Downside names yet don't sound like names to me."

But that's all.

"Did I say anything else? I remember - I wanted paper - and eventually Voice gave me paper, after they were sure I wouldn't be able to look at them if they set me up in a way where I'd be able to write - but by then I didn't have anything to put."
finaldiscussion: Thinking. (| more information)
Author: finaldiscussion
"You were looking for paper when you spoke with me, too, I think. I remember I gave you a pen."
arenaria: (unsettled)
Author: arenaria
"I don't have it anymore. I'm sorry."
finaldiscussion: Peaceful or distant. (Default)
Author: finaldiscussion
"I have accumulated several more in the interim," he says dryly.
arenaria: (not all bad)
Author: arenaria
finaldiscussion: Smirking slightly. (<< I have been told it suits me)
Author: finaldiscussion
Strat smiles.
arenaria: (useful)
Author: arenaria
"I guess if it was sixty or seventy years ago it's surprising you remember me at all. Let alone anything I said."
finaldiscussion: Smug. (<< moderately famous)
Author: finaldiscussion
"I have a very good memory."
arenaria: (chilly)
Author: arenaria
"That's lucky," Shell sighs. "If nice things happened to me that would be a nice thing I'd want, a really, really good memory..."
finaldiscussion: Nose and mouth and neck. (>> a daring affectation)
Author: finaldiscussion
The kettle clicks. Strat provides tea.
arenaria: (useful)
Author: arenaria
Shell drinks it, in slow little sips, wrapping both hands around the cup.

"...This seems like... a thing that can happen. The same way 'Sherlock' sounds like a name. Did you give me tea before?"
finaldiscussion: Looking over his shoulder. (>> thusly announced)
Author: finaldiscussion
"Yes."
arenaria: (chilly)
Author: arenaria
"It's good," says Shell. "Thank you."

Sip. Sip.

"I wonder if I could get anywhere at remembering things by finding out what other things seem like things that can happen. I wonder if that's reliable or if I'd just wind up believing the silly stories I made up to make myself feel better when Voice had me. There were a lot. They all contradict each other."
finaldiscussion: Thoughtful. (~ in his bleaker moments)
Author: finaldiscussion
He shrugs. "I don't have much experience with that kind of reconstruction."
arenaria: (irked)
Author: arenaria
"I know I wanted paper very badly at one point, or I don't suppose I'd care so much now."
finaldiscussion: Hurt or uncertain. (| some latent nobility)
Author: finaldiscussion
He nods.
arenaria: (useful)
Author: arenaria
"I wonder what I did. I wonder who I was. I can't even remember if Shell is actually my name or not. Did I tell you my name before?"
finaldiscussion: Nose and mouth and neck. (>> a daring affectation)
Author: finaldiscussion
"Shell sounds about right."
arenaria: (preoccupied)
Author: arenaria
"Okay," says Shell, brightening. "That's good then."

Eventually tea is consumed, and Shell has reread her residential code enough times to commit to memory as long as nothing traumatic happens in the meantime.

Shell gets up to go.

And stops.

"I am very, very afraid now and I don't know why," she murmurs, "but I don't want to leave here alone."
finaldiscussion: Thoughtful. (~ in his bleaker moments)
Author: finaldiscussion
"I'll come with you," he says.
arenaria: (unsettled)
Author: arenaria
"Thank you."

Shell passed the station on her way through this neighborhood, and goes back that way now. She can't remember ever using one before, though she's sure she has, but the interface isn't too complicated.

She feels it is very important to be exacting in typing in her res code.

She starts over twice, to make sure.

When she's sure she has it right, and she's memorized the path from station to her residence, they travel.
finaldiscussion: Peaceful or distant. (Default)
Author: finaldiscussion
Strat observes her exactness, but doesn't comment on it.
arenaria: (someone loved me)
Author: arenaria
Her apartment is cluttered. Every surface has something on it. Some surfaces have large stacks of things. Her shelves are full of books, and her kitchenette is overflowing with food and pots and pans, and her bed is heaped with clothes, and there is all manner of miscellany hiding her carpet.

"I guess stuff just keeps accumulating if no one's home," observes Shell, tilting her head.
finaldiscussion: Smirking slightly. (<< I have been told it suits me)
Author: finaldiscussion
"Yes," says Strat. "Would you like help organizing the debris?"
arenaria: (once long ago)
Author: arenaria
"Yes. And if you see anything you want, tell me, you've - you're the reason I can get at any of it at all."

She nudges things aside to make a path across the little apartment to her bed and starts sorting through the heap of fabric, holding things up against herself to see if they'll fit her or not.
finaldiscussion: Smirking. (++ terribly amusing)
Author: finaldiscussion
Many of them won't. Some will, though.

Strat steps inside and closes the door.
arenaria: (useful)
Author: arenaria
Presently Shell has acquired a small heap of new outfits for herself, and a larger heap of things she will have to trade or give away, and she starts busying herself with what's on the floor, trying on shoes and evaluating knicknacks and finding space between the books and the edges of their shelves to temporarily stash things. When she's got the pile of assorted purses, lightbulbs, and throw pillows cleared from in front of her nightstand, she peers into the drawers, finds and snorts at the crown without a trace of recognition, and puts it back its drawer along with the nicest purse and a few other potentially useful odds-and-ends. She starts using the purses as sorting containers for smaller objects.

She has not eaten anything in a few years, and, conveniently enough, Downside is not a place in which spoilage occurs. Once her recent torch is far enough in the past for her to be noticeably hungry, and once there are paths between all key locations in her little apartment, she walks through the path leading to the kitchenette and looks for something edible in its current form. She finds a ham sandwich, which she wolfs down, and goes back to the accumulated items. She sorts through the books that have appeared on her shelf, and divides them between "keep" and "read once, then trade away" - the latter form a group of stacks just beside her bed.
finaldiscussion: Shirtless and drinking. (<< or at least perversity)
Author: finaldiscussion
Strat, meanwhile, helps keep the paths clear and passes her interesting things he spots amidst the junk, with comments like "valuable to collectors" (a watergun) and "I expect you'll want this" (a blank spiral-bound notebook).
arenaria: (not all bad)
Author: arenaria
"Thank you," says Shell each time. "I'm going to have to have a - the word I want to use is estate sale but that's obviously the wrong word. I'll lay stuff out on the street on a blanket, I guess."
finaldiscussion: Smirking. (++ terribly amusing)
Author: finaldiscussion
"A sound strategy."
arenaria: (Default)
Author: arenaria
Shell sorts and heaps and consolidates. She finds a laundry basket, in the closet, and because it landed upside-down it is not already full; she fills it. She gazes exasperatedly at the things that appear in the spaces she's cleared; apparently apartments don't just fill up and then stop, they fill up and then become disgruntled about it.

Eventually, for a change of pace, she opens the door to the bathroom to see just how much shampoo she has now.

This door reveals no shampoo at all.

"- Oh," she breathes, because she can't remember the name of the place, can't remember what it is, did not until this moment remember that there was such a thing to have been forgotten, but this feels like a thing that can happen, and now it has. "Oh, oh, oh."

And the thing that has happened means: go inside. It is safe. It is better than where you are.
finaldiscussion: Smirking slightly. (<< I have been told it suits me)
Author: finaldiscussion
"There's a bit of luck," says Strat.
arenaria: (someone loved me)
Author: arenaria
"Oh," says Shell, and she doesn't so much walk through the door as lean through, like the bar is sunshine and she's a plant, not that Downside has plants.

Her fingertips catch on the edge of the door. "Are you coming?"
finaldiscussion: Smug. (<< moderately famous)
Author: finaldiscussion
"I may as well."
arenaria: (Default)
Author: arenaria
She holds the door for him, though she's trembling in place like she's holding herself back from hurtling forward and letting it fall back into its frame.

When she doesn't have to hold it anymore to let him by, she does go further into the bar.

But she can't remember what she used to do here - cannot actually call up a memory of being here at all. She only knows that it's safe here.

She turns in place, once she's far enough in to have a view, and drinks in the surroundings.
finaldiscussion: Thoughtful. (~ in his bleaker moments)
Author: finaldiscussion
Srat watches her for a moment, then decides that she is probably all right and heads off to get a drink.
arenaria: (useful)
Author: arenaria
Shell follows him when he passes her, and watches him order, but she's not hungry or thirsty right now so she doesn't copy him immediately. She wanders past tables, pausing sometimes to turn around and look at everything - the stars, the people, the stairwell, the back door, the people.

No one looks familiar, but they all look like people-who-can-be, even the people who don't look like anyone in Downside.

She must have been here before.
manofmyword: Quasi-innocent? (⑽ i wanna drive)
Author: manofmyword
There's a table with a person at it! A person who definitely looks like he can be.

Also, he appears to recognize her.

"Hiya, smarty pants," he says amicably.
arenaria: (irked)
Author: arenaria
She blinks at him.

"Did I know you once?" she asks slowly.
manofmyword: Smirking. (⑷ coral is far more red)
Author: manofmyword
"Probably. Which one are you?"
arenaria: (useful)
Author: arenaria
"...Which?" she says. "I'm called Shell."
manofmyword: From the side, serious. (⑿ is it the scars?)
Author: manofmyword
"Are you now," he says, slow and thoughtful. "Where you from, Shell?"
arenaria: (chilly)
Author: arenaria
"Downside," she says. "I don't remember before that, but I assume I lived somewhere, before I died." She looks around her. "I might not go back, though."
manofmyword: Sitting calmly on the floor, leaning against a wall. (⑺ gonna enjoy this)
Author: manofmyword
"Why not?"
arenaria: (useful)
Author: arenaria
"Oh, well - I might - but - it's not safe there, and I think it's safe here."
manofmyword: Hands, seen through jail cell bars. (⑼ the store by the dungeon)
Author: manofmyword
"It usually is," he agrees. "What's Downside like?"
arenaria: (preoccupied)
Author: arenaria
"It's..." She makes a vague gesture, and sits down at his table. "I never had to explain it before, what do you want to know? Everybody there is dead, there's that."
manofmyword: Conspiratorial or condescending. (⒁ they'rrre cheap)
Author: manofmyword
"Let's start with: what's the danger?"
arenaria: (irked)
Author: arenaria
"Torturers," says Shell promptly. "Most of them if you catch their interest just hurt you for a few hours, maybe a day or two, and then let you go, but one kept me for much longer than that and I think that's why I can't remember anything. Even knowing how to fight doesn't do any good, they have this thing called torturers' control, they can make you move however they want unless you're a contractor. The one who kept me for all those years never actually touched me, not once."

She's had decades to process Voice, and while she would be very alarmed if anything about her situation suggested that Voice or anyone Voicelike was about to capture her again, she is not particularly alarmed to be merely describing the history. Not here, where it's safe; not when the door will lead back to her cluttered apartment, also relatively safe.
manofmyword: From the side, serious. (⑿ is it the scars?)
Author: manofmyword
"I'm sorry," he murmurs sympathetically.
arenaria: (useful)
Author: arenaria
"They let me go," Shell says. "And after I walked around for a while I even found someone I met before they got me, and he knew where I resided, so now I can go back there if I want. But I might stay here instead."
manofmyword: Quasi-innocent? (⑽ i wanna drive)
Author: manofmyword
"Staying here's a good choice," he says. "Somebody I love got killed here once, but that's a special case."
arenaria: (once long ago)
Author: arenaria
"Someone loved me once," sighs Shell dreamily, leaning her face on one hand.
manofmyword: Smirking, pushing hair out of face. (⑸ well hello beautifulll~)
Author: manofmyword
He smiles softly.

"I'll bet they did."
arenaria: (useful)
Author: arenaria
"I think so, anyway. I have an apartment. In Downside your house is how much you were mourned when you died. My apartment is little, so it's probably just one person, but it's - nice, so I think they must've loved me a lot. It's got a lot of clutter because I wasn't there to clear it out for, I think Strat said sixty or seventy years, but it's got pretty wallpaper and furniture and stuff. And anyway it's the only thing I remember from before for sure."
manofmyword: Conspiratorial or condescending. (⒁ they'rrre cheap)
Author: manofmyword
"Wouldja do me a favour?" he asks suddenly. "Open your door for me?"
arenaria: (irked)
Author: arenaria
"Do you want to go to Downside?" asks Shell. "On purpose? Aren't you alive?"
manofmyword: Grinning, eyes nearly closed. (⑶ now i see the funny side)
Author: manofmyword
He smiles crookedly. Not that there is another option.

"I won't stay long. Don't you worry about me."
arenaria: (useful)
Author: arenaria
"Do you get doors to here whenever you want them?" she asks quizzically, but she gets up to go to the door.
manofmyword: Smirking, pushing hair out of face. (⑸ well hello beautifulll~)
Author: manofmyword
"When I say 'not long'," he says as he follows, "I mean mmmaybe a couple minutes. Will you be a sweetheart and hold the door for me?"
arenaria: (irked)
Author: arenaria
"I - sure, I suppose, if you just want a look at my apartment or something," says Shell.

One does not dwell in Downside without developing patience.

She holds the door for him.
manofmyword: Conspiratorial or condescending. (⒁ they'rrre cheap)
Author: manofmyword
As he steps through the door, he makes a very specific wish:

if there is a version of Nathan in this world, one who's met him, met him and loved him and died, he wants to be where that person is.
temporal_affairs: (if i could sleep)
Author: temporal_affairs
Timer's in bed with Eights, napping off a lovely bit of fornication.
manofmyword: Smirking, pushing hair out of face. (⑸ well hello beautifulll~)
Author: manofmyword
"Awww," says the Joker.
lookingforwardtoit: (d. are you trying to hurt me?)
Author: lookingforwardtoit
"Do I know you?" inquires Eights.
manofmyword: Grinning, eyes nearly closed. (⑶ now i see the funny side)
Author: manofmyword
"Nope!"
temporal_affairs: (sideeyeing that)
Author: temporal_affairs
Nathan wakes up.

"...This is awkward," he says. "Did you die, babe? Eights," he adds, "this is the Joker, I might've mentioned him?"
lookingforwardtoit: (4. my affection)
Author: lookingforwardtoit
"Ooh," she says. "Him."
manofmyword: Gesturing, explaining. (⑾ never start with the head)
Author: manofmyword
"Milliways," he explains succinctly. "I came to see if you're okay. Are you okay? I'm glad you're not stuck on me, anyway, that would've been tragic."
temporal_affairs: (lovable rogue)
Author: temporal_affairs
"Not a vampire anymore," Nathan points out. "Bond was toast. I'm fine, this place isn't so bad, for me. Not overwhelmingly popular among some audiences, I guess, but me, I'm a Timer. But babe, I died a hundred years ago. I figured you never knew this place existed, how'd you find it?"
manofmyword: Quasi-innocent? (⑽ i wanna drive)
Author: manofmyword
"Ran into somebody else I knew that died and went here," he explains. "One'a Goldie's alts. I didn't know you were here, or anything, but... well, the way she was talking, I wanted to check. See if you wanted a ride home."
temporal_affairs: (i am disappoint)
Author: temporal_affairs
"One of Bella's alts got here? Shit, why isn't the place remodeled to her satisfaction yet?"
manofmyword: Gesturing, explaining. (⑾ never start with the head)
Author: manofmyword
"Looks like her magic didn't stick," he shrugs. "She didn't come out of it too well. Doesn't remember much."
temporal_affairs: (darkened)
Author: temporal_affairs
"Eegh," Nathan says. "Well, I dunno. How long's it been on your end? How's the munchkin?"
manofmyword: Smirking. (⑷ coral is far more red)
Author: manofmyword
"Oh, sweetie," he murmurs.

"I unkilled you. Took a pretty big wish, but you came back good as new. Except now there's two of you, I guess."
temporal_affairs: (the hell?)
Author: temporal_affairs
"...That sounds profoundly awkward?" offers Nathan.
manofmyword: Smirking, pushing hair out of face. (⑸ well hello beautifulll~)
Author: manofmyword
He shrugs.

"Well, maybe. It's up to you, sweetheart. I'll take you if you wanna go."
temporal_affairs: (Default)
Author: temporal_affairs
"I don't think so fast anymore," shrugs Nathan. "D'you want to hang around for a bit while I think about it? See the sights? I avoid torturers but you might like some of Eights's friends. There's a decent restaurant in my neighborhood, I eat food now."
manofmyword: Quasi-innocent? (⑽ i wanna drive)
Author: manofmyword
"I'd love to," he says. "Got somebody holding the door for me, though. I'll go see she feels about being a doorstop for a little longer."

He holds out his arms.

"One for the road, sweetheart?"
temporal_affairs: (Default)
Author: temporal_affairs
"Sure, babe," says Nathan. He's not wearing anything under the covers - it has not been time to get dressed yet - but he gets up from under them and hugs his ex-mate.
finaldiscussion: Shirtless and drinking. (<< or at least perversity)
Author: finaldiscussion
(Elsewhere, Strat is just leaving Shell's apartment, having come back from Milliways with a lovely beer to keep him company for a bit.)
manofmyword: Smirking, pushing hair out of face. (⑸ well hello beautifulll~)
Author: manofmyword
The Joker hugs him back, smiling.

"It's funny," he murmurs, "I feel like saying I missed you, even though I never really had time to."
lookingforwardtoit: (5. watch your step)
Author: lookingforwardtoit
"I'm voting you two for most adorable afterlife reunion of the millennium," says Eights.
sicaria: Dressed up. (⑺ primarily innocence)
Author: sicaria
For certain values of 'meanwhile', Sherlock is just coming in from the lake.

She starts walking across the room, spots Shell as she passes in view of the front door, and

stops

walking.
arenaria: (not again)
Author: arenaria
Shell sat down to be a more effortless doorstop.

When she sees Sherlock, she gets to her feet in a clumsy scramble. The door swings closed behind her, forgotten.

Shell stares.

And stares.
temporal_affairs: (run that by me again)
Author: temporal_affairs
"Wouldn't know, I haven't seen many," Timer comments to Eights.
lookingforwardtoit: (7. pulled it right off)
Author: lookingforwardtoit
"I've seen a few," she says, "and trust me, you're one of the cutest. Also, out of all the ones where one party found the other in bed with me, definitely the least awkward."
manofmyword: Grinning, eyes nearly closed. (⑶ now i see the funny side)
Author: manofmyword
The Joker giggles and runs his fingers familiarly through Nathan's hair. He doesn't seem inclined to let go terribly fast.
sicaria: Reaching for something. (⑽ just a touch)
Author: sicaria






"Bell?" she murmurs.
arenaria: (Default)
Author: arenaria
"I'm Shell," says Shell. "But you're - terribly important and I don't know why."
sicaria: Serious, intent. (⑿ you know it is my choice)
Author: sicaria
"Tell me everything about you," she says softly.
arenaria: (unsettled)
Author: arenaria
"I don't remember very much," Shell apologizes, and her hands twist in front of her, because this very important person wants everything and Shell does not know how to give her everything, "but I can tell you what I remember - but I don't know where to start."
sicaria: In profile, looking down. (⑾ time to go home)
Author: sicaria
"Start at the beginning. Or as close as you can get to it."
arenaria: (chilly)
Author: arenaria
"I - well - I don't remember dying, but I must have, because I'm from Downside and everyone there is dead - and I've forgotten everything else before Voice, and I don't even know if that's what they're called or anything about them because I never saw them and Voice isn't even their name probably, I made it up, but anyway I don't remember this part but before Voice I met Strat, because just a few hours ago I ran into him and he torched me because I was out of water again and he knew where I resided because before Voice I told him, before I forgot - so he took me back there - but that's not the beginning anymore. I'm so sorry."
sicaria: Reaching for something. (⑽ just a touch)
Author: sicaria
"It's all right," says Sherlock. "Who is Voice?"
arenaria: (preoccupied)
Author: arenaria
"Voice is a torturer. That's all I know, I never saw them, they never touched me, all there was was - their voice. Most torturers aren't so bad, if you get one's attention you're in for a bad few hours or a day maybe unless they think you're special for some reason but then they get bored. Voice kept me in their basement for - for a long time, I don't know how long, I asked for paper and they gave me paper but it took so long that I couldn't remember what I wanted to write anymore, except -"

She hesitates, still staring at Sherlock.

Sherlock is terribly important.

There is one other terribly important thing in Shell's head but she doesn't know if they're connected or not.
sicaria: In bed, not sleeping. (⒀ no rest for the wicked)
Author: sicaria
"Except?"
arenaria: (Default)
Author: arenaria
"Just the same thing, over and over, I couldn't remember anything else, I just wrote someone loved me once," Shell says. "I think that's true. I really think so. My apartment looks like it, too."
sicaria: Serious, intent. (⑿ you know it is my choice)
Author: sicaria




"It is true," says Sherlock.
arenaria: (once long ago)
Author: arenaria
"I thought so!" says Shell. "Anyway, Voice had me for a long time, and then they let me go, I don't know why it was when it was, and - I couldn't remember my residence code or anything - so I just - walked. I torched every few days because I couldn't usually find water."
sicaria: Dressed up. (⑺ primarily innocence)
Author: sicaria
"...Would you like to come upstairs and sit down?"
arenaria: (Default)
Author: arenaria
"Yes," says Shell, because this person is terribly important and I'll go anywhere with you sounds forward.
sicaria: Reaching for something. (⑽ just a touch)
Author: sicaria
They are now upstairs. In a smallish bedroom. Sherlock is standing still and looking as expressionless as she has for this entire conversation.
arenaria: (someone loved me)
Author: arenaria
"Oh," says Shell, in much the same tone she used when she found Milliways. "Oh, magic."

And she sits on the bed, and crosses her ankles, and uncrosses them, and finally she sits on her feet and her hands both, to hold them still, because they're shaking and it's annoying.
sicaria: Sitting on a log. (Default)
Author: sicaria


"I don't know what to do now," Sherlock says quietly.
arenaria: (Default)
Author: arenaria
"Why not?" asks Shell. "I didn't interrupt you doing something, did I? You're very very important and I don't want to mess up whatever you've been doing. - I'll help you, if I can, but I'm not very good at anything."
sicaria: Serious, intent. (⑿ you know it is my choice)
Author: sicaria
"Right now," says Sherlock, "there is nothing I could be doing that is more important than you."
arenaria: (chilly)
Author: arenaria
"Oh," says Shell. She's not about to question the Important Person's judgment. "...Should I say more things? I think you have the, the broad shape of everything, but there are details, here and there, if you want them, except I don't think you'd necessarily like them -" Shell has no idea how she can read this into motionlessness and stoic calm expression, but she can, she's very sure. "- I remember this morning perfectly well and it's much nicer than the rest," she adds, "Strat torched me and then invited me home for tea, that was unusual, most often even if someone mercy-torched me they'd just walk away after."
sicaria: Reaching for something. (⑽ just a touch)
Author: sicaria
"I will not like them," says Sherlock. "I want them anyway."
arenaria: (useful)
Author: arenaria
"Are... are you sure? It's a lot. Strat says it was sixty or seventy years between when I told him where I resided and when I found him today. It will take a lot of your time and you're very, very important."
sicaria: Dressed up. (⑺ primarily innocence)
Author: sicaria
"I have a lot of time."
arenaria: (Default)
Author: arenaria
"Okay, but you can stop me whenever you want," Shell says, and she starts.

She meanders, but she tries to keep her transitions as clear as possible: here is something Voice did (here is a digression on how torturer's control works, the finer points), here is how that is different from this one who caught here there or that one who caught her the next neighborhood over, here is her rueful description of how she tried tried tried to fall away from caring, any of the thousand times she's been tortured, because all she'd have to do to have a fair shot at escaping would be to bear one person's sentence - even a piddling single hour - without trying to change her mind. She never could; she is not whatever stronger-willed person took her original sentence (because she remembers the first time Voice hurt her; she'd remember if there was an occasion before that; if only she hadn't contracted it out her assigned torturer would have found her in Voice's basement and taken her away and tortured her for some much shorter period of time and then she'd have been free, she admires contractors but wishes she'd procrastinated on getting one). She never even made her way to the Crescent to try to sit the exam. She's desensitized, to dehydration (here is how she learned when it was time to sit down and wait to torch), to all manner of injury, but she has never gotten to the point of not wanting it to stop, and that forbids her the contractor's blessings. She certainly wasn't going to become a torturer, not even to turn it into a contest whenever someone took a liking to her. Here is something else Voice did. Here are the fragments of unbelievable fantasy stories she invented to console herself, stories in which she could do magic just like the Important Person and could get out and put Voice somewhere where they'd never be able to catch and harm another pet.

Here is a tangent about her apartment, and about how it is small so probably only one person mourned her, but it's nice, it's not a ramshackle hovel, and that means that this one person must have loved her very much. She is sure someone loved her, and she was sure even before the Important Person said it was true (though she does not know how the Important Person came to have this information, she does not think the Important Person would lie to her.) Her psychology does not make sense without it. And since no one has loved her since she died, and because her apartment confirms it, she is sure that this happened when she was alive.

She hopes they are okay.
sicaria: Reaching for something. (⑽ just a touch)
Author: sicaria
"My name," she says softly, "is Sherlock."
arenaria: (useful)
Author: arenaria
"Strat told me I said I knew a Sherlock, seventy or eighty years ago," says Shell. "I don't remember anything else, though - I'm sorry -"
sicaria: Dressed up. (⑺ primarily innocence)
Author: sicaria
"You are categorically not required to be sorry to me about anything."
arenaria: (preoccupied)
Author: arenaria
"But - was it you? Or someone else with the same name, that I knew, before? Did I know you? I could tell right away that you were very important - but I don't know why."
sicaria: In profile, looking down. (⑾ time to go home)
Author: sicaria
"It was me," she says.

"I need to go—find someone."
arenaria: (not again)
Author: arenaria
"Don't leave me," blurts Shell, involuntarily, her hands escaping from where she's sitting on them to reach out in Sherlock's direction, "no, please, I missed you, not yet, please -"
sicaria: Reaching for something. (⑽ just a touch)
Author: sicaria
Sherlock teleports both of them downstairs—Shell ends up sitting on a table—opens the door, and says,

[I need you.]
she_sells_seashells: engaged (engaged)
Author: she_sells_seashells
[Right now?] Bell wants to know. She did not come along on this excursion to Milliways for a reason. Tony did not come along on this excursion to Milliways for the same reason.
arenaria: (not again)
Author: arenaria
"Sherlock?" murmurs Shell in a tentative, mousy voice. She's sitting on her hands again. She has overstepped her bounds with Important Sherlock, clearly, and should not have made that request.
sicaria: In bed, not sleeping. (⒀ no rest for the wicked)
Author: sicaria
She closes her eyes.

[Yes.]
she_sells_seashells: (becalmed)
Author: she_sells_seashells
"Sherlock needs me right now apparently," Bell murmurs apologetically to Tony, and she kisses his nose and spends a square to make herself presentable and teleports. "What is it?" she asks her girlfriend, tilting her head.
arenaria: (unsettled)
Author: arenaria
Shell, who cannot see Bell from where she's sitting, draws her knees up to her chin and hugs her legs.
sicaria: Reaching for something. (⑽ just a touch)
Author: sicaria
Sherlock points.
she_sells_seashells: (irked)
Author: she_sells_seashells
Bell steps into the bar, spots Shell, and - does not have quite Sherlock's powers of observation.

"...Another alt is an emergency? Or do I just need to read the story directly because words have failed you?"
arenaria: (sobbing)
Author: arenaria
Shell doesn't look up from her knees at the sound of Bell's voice. (Like all voices, they sound different from the inside as opposed to the outside; she doesn't even recognize the sound.) She is berating herself for misjudging her leeway with Important Sherlock.
sicaria: Annoyed or distant. (⒁ belongs to no one)
Author: sicaria
Sherlock does not move.

Words have more than failed her. Everything has failed her. This is Bell but it's not Bell but it is and she is hurting and Sherlock does not know how to fix it how does she fix it what do they do.
she_sells_seashells: (chilly)
Author: she_sells_seashells
Okay. Bell knows how to deal with paralyzed Sherlock. She reaches out and squeezes her shoulder and spins up to top speed and reads.

"Oh, shit," she murmurs. "Oh shit oh shit oh shit."

And she drops her hand and she takes five long steps in Shell's direction and she cups Shell's face in her hands. "Hi, Shell," she says softly. "Do you want to remember?"
arenaria: (not again)
Author: arenaria
Shell looks up at Bell, and then over at Sherlock, and says -

"I said this morning, if nice things happened to me, that would be a nice thing I'd want, a really good memory - but - but I think I upset Sherlock, and she's very important -"
she_sells_seashells: (chilly)
Author: she_sells_seashells
"She is," Bell replies quietly. "She's very important and she loves you more than you can imagine and she wants only nice things to happen to you, ever again, forever - here -"

She spends a hex.
arenaria: (someone loved me)
Author: arenaria
Shell flinches as though she's been electrocuted, and her eyes fly wide open and then squeeze shut.
sicaria: In profile, looking down. (⑾ time to go home)
Author: sicaria
Sherlock slowly drops her arm from where it was pointing at Shell.
she_sells_seashells: (becalmed)
Author: she_sells_seashells
"Do you need a minute?" Bell murmurs to her counterpart. "I think you've got more memories to process than I did."
arenaria: (unsettled)
Author: arenaria
"Just a minute," breathes Shell.
she_sells_seashells: (preoccupied)
Author: she_sells_seashells
Bell takes that minute to go over to Sherlock and steer her in Shell's direction. [You don't have to react any special way. It's you she wants, not somebody following some script. But be there,] she says to Sherlock.
sicaria: Serious, intent. (⑿ you know it is my choice)
Author: sicaria
She sits at the table that Shell is sitting on.
arenaria: (sobbing)
Author: arenaria
Shell flings her arms around Sherlock and clings tight.

"I forgot you," she says, weeping. "I forgot you. How could I do that? I tried - I really tried - I kept you longest of anything - but I forgot you, I didn't even recognize your name when Strat said it -"
sicaria: Reaching for something. (⑽ just a touch)
Author: sicaria
Sherlock hugs her back, shivering very slightly.
she_sells_seashells: tricky (tricky)
Author: she_sells_seashells
Bell peers into Sherlock's head.

She finds the mental equivalent of wordless screaming.

[It's okay. It'll be okay. We'll figure out what to do with her, she'll be fine, it'll be okay, she doesn't blame you - I didn't think to look for anything like this either, it's not your fault.]
arenaria: (misery)
Author: arenaria
"I love you," Shell sobs into Sherlock's shoulder. "I love you, I love you, do you still love me, please still love me - I'm so sorry I forgot you -"
sicaria: Dressed up. (⑺ primarily innocence)
Author: sicaria
"I love you," she murmurs, almost soundlessly, almost tonelessly.

(it is her fault it can't not be her fault it will always be her fault she is wrong she is of no more than practical value and whatever practical value she has was insufficient to stop this from happening)
arenaria: (sobbing)
Author: arenaria
This reply is enough to stop Shell from crying, if not instantaneously.

She does not uncling. She clingsclingsclingsclings.

"I used to wish you were there, it was terrible and I did it anyway, if you were there it would've meant you were dead, I'm sorry, I love you I love you."
she_sells_seashells: (unsettled)
Author: she_sells_seashells
Bell moves to sit at the table Shell and Sherlock are both sitting on. [It is not your fault. I didn't think of this either, I was in just as good a position to do so as you were, I could have scanned the memory of the wish for loopholes and I didn't, I could have wondered about the details of how resurrection works and I didn't, you and I did the same thing, we looked at me being alive and never hypothesized that somewhere Shell was being dead, is it my fault?]
sicaria: Reaching for something. (⑽ just a touch)
Author: sicaria
"I wish I was there too," Sherlock whispers.
arenaria: (sobbing)
Author: arenaria
"No, no, you're alive, it's good that you're alive, I'm glad you're alive, and I found you, I found you, you're here, I love you," says Shell, crying again. "I figured out what happened right away before everything - my guide took one look at my apartment and thought you'd be a suicide but I knew better - I knew you'd bring me back and that was why it was little and I knew you'd be okay and Tony would be okay and Atlantis would be okay and that was all good but I'm just so selfish -"
she_sells_seashells: (unsettled)
Author: she_sells_seashells
"Everyone at home is fine," Bell confirms softly. "Ranae and Shark never even found out. Tony did but only after I was alive. Coin and her helpers are all on the moon. Everything's just how you would've made it. I'm so sorry for never imagining you."
arenaria: (misery)
Author: arenaria
"I -" Shell hiccups between sobs - "I never would've imagined me either. There's no way but through here to do anything to communicate with livelings - before I forgot everything I was going to see if there was a - a biography of you or something in the library - but I never did - and now I'm here and - and now what?"
she_sells_seashells: (chilly)
Author: she_sells_seashells
"...I don't know," admits Bell.
sicaria: Reaching for something. (⑽ just a touch)
Author: sicaria
Why can she not be hugging them both at the same time without ceasing to hug one in between? Maybe there should be two of her too.
she_sells_seashells: (becalmed)
Author: she_sells_seashells
[I doubt that would help. You'd probably both still want to hug both of us,] Bell points out.
arenaria: (unsettled)
Author: arenaria
"I should've never - ever - happened," says Shell, "it should just be you - how long has it been - what did I miss -?"
she_sells_seashells: (unsettled)
Author: she_sells_seashells
"Not much," Bell soothes. "Less than a year. Not much at all."
sicaria: In profile, looking down. (⑾ time to go home)
Author: sicaria
There could be physically two of her who completely shared minds. That would fulfill all the requirements.

She contemplates actually making this wish.
she_sells_seashells: tricky (tricky)
Author: she_sells_seashells
[Save major personal remodeling for a less stressed-out time?] advises Bell gently, and she pats Sherlock's knee.

To Shell, she says, "All I know is what you told Sherlock. Do you mind if I look?"
arenaria: (once long ago)
Author: arenaria
"You can look, you can both look, you can do whatever you want with me, I'm just so happy I found you again," sighs Shell, somewhat calmed down (but still clinging tight to Sherlock).
sicaria: Looking up, thoughtful. (⑼ a brief and thoughtful moment)
Author: sicaria
She—

could always merge afterward.



There's a thought.
she_sells_seashells: (irked)
Author: she_sells_seashells
[There's a thought,] agrees Bell.

"Let's get you home?" she offers softly.
arenaria: (useful)
Author: arenaria
"...Home."

And she can remember home, now, the palace (it was real), the world, the - heh, that crown she found in the nightstand was originally hers, wasn't it? - and she can remember Tony, and -

"But - but there are two of us."

She realizes only after she says it how that sounds, or how she guesses it would sound, to Bell-the-live-one. "I mean you are obviously the sane one you're in charge I'm not going to do anything you don't want but -"
she_sells_seashells: (unsettled)
Author: she_sells_seashells
"There could stop being two of us," Bell says. "I mean, we could - go back to being only one. But it would be complicated, and I want to think about it, and I want to think about it at home. And I know you want to see home."
arenaria: (Default)
Author: arenaria
"Oh."

Pause.

"I - I don't think you want to be me."
sicaria: Reaching for something. (⑽ just a touch)
Author: sicaria
"I don't think you want to be you," Sherlock observes.
arenaria: (unsettled)
Author: arenaria
"Sure," says Shell, "but I can't do anything about it. I can just torch, that's all. I've done it a million times and I go right on being me. Bell doesn't have to."
she_sells_seashells: (becalmed)
Author: she_sells_seashells
"This is what we'd have to think about," Bell says. "How to weight the two of us in a merger so the result wouldn't not like to be herself. Home?"
arenaria: (once long ago)
Author: arenaria
"Home," agrees Shell in a sigh.

(Although it may be that Sherlock has to carry her for the party to go out the door.)
sicaria: Sitting on a log. (Default)
Author: sicaria
Sherlock carries her.
she_sells_seashells: (becalmed)
Author: she_sells_seashells
Bell walks.

Out the door they go.

[Tony, you may want to meet who Sherlock urgently needed my help with.]
ferratus: Uncertain, wary. (⒀ keeping watch)
Author: ferratus
[Uh, okay,] says Tony. [Where...?]
she_sells_seashells: (chilly)
Author: she_sells_seashells
Bell supplies their location as the door closes behind them. "Tony's coming," she murmurs to Shell.
arenaria: (once long ago)
Author: arenaria
"Mmm," says Shell, "I missed him too."

(But mostly Sherlock. The entirety of her body language the way she's curled up while Sherlock holds her says mostly Sherlock.)
ferratus: Questioning, skeptical. (⑾ are you fucking with me?)
Author: ferratus
Tony arrives.

Tony says: "What."
arenaria: (someone loved me)
Author: arenaria
"I died," says Shell. "The afterlife didn't let me go when Sherlock tried to get me. Now there's two. I didn't have a very nice time but I found her I found her I found her." (Sherlock's throat gets nuzzled.)
she_sells_seashells: (chilly)
Author: she_sells_seashells
"We are considering ceasing to be two," Bell adds. "But it seems complicated to figure out how to not end up mostly her, when she's the one who by her own admission shouldn't've happened and she's got a longer history than me."
ferratus: Thoughtful or uncertain. (⑼ debatably)
Author: ferratus




"Can I hug you?" he says to Shell. "I really wanna hug you."
arenaria: (someone loved me)
Author: arenaria
"Yeah," says Shell. If Sherlock puts her down now she won't wince, even.
ferratus: Shirtless, hands clasped. (⑺ get this show on the road)
Author: ferratus
Tony hugs Shell-in-Sherlock's-arms, instead. It is physically awkward but emotionally soothing.
arenaria: (once long ago)
Author: arenaria
"I missed you," Shell says, hugging and nuzzling and sighing soothedly.
ferratus: Holding a blanket. Watchful or hiding upset. (⒁ turn the lights off carry me home)
Author: ferratus
"I love you," he murmurs back. "I would've missed you if I'd known you were gone."
arenaria: (once long ago)
Author: arenaria
"I love you too and I missed you until I forgot everything and then I missed you again when Bell fixed my memory and now I'm home," sighs Shell.
she_sells_seashells: (unsettled)
Author: she_sells_seashells
"What do you want to keep?" Bell asks, her mind still on the problem of excess Shell Bells. "The memories - I'm sure you want those after losing them - but is there anything else joined-us should keep?"
arenaria: (chilly)
Author: arenaria
"We should - should subdue my share of memories a little. I don't think we want some of mine as easy to call up as - as standard," says Shell, not unhugging from Tony one little bit to participate in this conversation. "...We probably want to torch. If we could've torched to begin with then the - was it a nuke? I thought it was a nuke - wouldn't've done anything worth caring about except ruined some Europe."
she_sells_seashells: (becalmed)
Author: she_sells_seashells
"I fixed the bit of Europe," Bell says.
sicaria: Reaching for something. (⑽ just a touch)
Author: sicaria
"I love you," murmurs Sherlock.
arenaria: (thinking)
Author: arenaria
"I love you," says Shell, again with that sigh that makes it sound like loving Sherlock is an enormous comfy pillow for her to sink into. "...We might want my pain tolerance? It's not even magical. It won't go away if something happens to our magic again. I don't know how easy that will be to separate from the memories, though."
she_sells_seashells: (preoccupied)
Author: she_sells_seashells
"We can try wishing it separate and if it doesn't work we can work out something else."
sicaria: Serious, intent. (⑿ you know it is my choice)
Author: sicaria
Sherlock cuddles her armful of Shell.
arenaria: (someone loved me)
Author: arenaria
Shell cuddles right back. She feels so happy. It is the happiness of dramatic improvement in circumstance, not Bell's usual level buzz of delight, but it's happy and it's very much so.
she_sells_seashells: tricky (tricky)
Author: she_sells_seashells
"Since we were the first to try resurrection - although Golden's done it once now too and we should notify her of the glitch - we will also be the first to try merging and I don't want to miss anything," says Bell. "Are we okay to have two of us around for a couple days - Shell, do you mind sticking to the palace? - while we make sure we haven't neglected anything?"
sicaria: Smiling slightly. (⑸ smiling as she falls)
Author: sicaria
"I believe we are."
arenaria: (useful)
Author: arenaria
"I don't mind staying in the palace. I'd only confuse Ranae and Shark and I don't need to see them really. The palace is nice. May I have some coins, please?"
sicaria: Reaching for something. (⑽ just a touch)
Author: sicaria
Sherlock wishes her a bandolier and a comfortable assortment of triangles-through-hexes.
arenaria: (useful)
Author: arenaria
"Thank you. I love you." Snuzzle. "- Huh, I don't actually know if torching works, outside of Downside -"
she_sells_seashells: (run)
Author: she_sells_seashells
Bell expects Sherlock to beat her in reaction time, and Sherlock's closer, but she still says "Shell, don't -"
arenaria: (useful)
Author: arenaria
Shell does anyway. With a wish - it only takes a square, she's not particularly sturdy or well-defended right now - not a conjured knife. (She never did get to the point of not wishing things wouldn't hurt.)

She goes up in heatless flames and reappears.

"It works," she says comfortably.
sicaria: In bed, not sleeping. (⒀ no rest for the wicked)
Author: sicaria




"I am surprised," says Sherlock.
arenaria: (useful)
Author: arenaria
"That it worked?"
she_sells_seashells: (mad)
Author: she_sells_seashells
"Shell," says Bell sharply. "Don't do that."
arenaria: (Default)
Author: arenaria
"...Why not? I'm fine. And now we know. And if I hadn't been fine, you and Sherlock and Tony would still be fine, and I'd either stop existing or go back to Downside but you'd know to look for me if you wanted me back again, everything would be fine."
she_sells_seashells: (mad)
Author: she_sells_seashells
"You are slightly more redundant than the average Bell, that doesn't mean you should torch yourself without knowing for sure whether it works while Sherlock is holding you," says Bell.
arenaria: (not again)
Author: arenaria
"...Oh. Oh, Sherlock, I'm so sorry, did I scare you - I thought it would be okay, you have another one, you have the right one right there -" Shell turns her face into Sherlock's shoulder and scrunches towards herself apologetically.
sicaria: In profile, looking down. (⑾ time to go home)
Author: sicaria
"I love you," she says, very softly.
arenaria: (unsettled)
Author: arenaria
"I love you too, but I shouldn't've started existing so I didn't think it'd bother anyone if I took a chance of stopping when the one who should exist is there, I didn't think, I'm so sorry."
ferratus: Thoughtful or uncertain. (⑼ debatably)
Author: ferratus
"Hey," Tony says gently, hugging her again. "If anybody knows what it's like to feel like that, it's Sherry. It's okay. We love you."
arenaria: (not again)
Author: arenaria
"No no no you have to exist," says Shell to Sherlock, alarmed. "You are very important, and there isn't an extra one of you, either."
sicaria: Reaching for something. (⑽ just a touch)
Author: sicaria
"I know," she says softly.
arenaria: (irked)
Author: arenaria
"Good. You need to understand that. You never did. I wouldn't even be half sane if it wasn't for you, if I hadn't had - the fact that you existed to hold onto." Shell switches to addressing Bell. "You're thinking the sanity cut was only because it was a long time, and you're right that it didn't help, but I didn't even hold up very well through the very first time, you're thinking Golden hurt worse when she turned and Amariah more invasively when Path was kidnapped and that's true but they both had people who loved them, there, holding them the entire time. We need that. We need to tell all of them that they need that, I don't think anybody but Golden understands and she thinks it's only because of the mate bond."
sicaria: In profile, looking down. (⑾ time to go home)
Author: sicaria


Sherlock closes her eyes.

"It's good to know that."
she_sells_seashells: (becalmed)
Author: she_sells_seashells
"You're right. I was thinking that," murmurs Bell. "...It's good that you at least notice you're not all that sane."
arenaria: (mad)
Author: arenaria
"It's obvious," says Shell. "Obvious. We should be mostly you. I can just tuck away in a corner of you to do torching and memories of Downside." She pauses. "Oh, we're probably going to fuck that place up, aren't we. I was thinking of doing that before Voice got me."
she_sells_seashells: (mad)
Author: she_sells_seashells
"That place," agrees Bell gravely, "is very much going to get fucked up. ...Sherlock. Sherlock, I can see you thinking that. Do you need Shell to cry on you some more? Would that even help?"
arenaria: (not again)
Author: arenaria
"What?" asks Shell. "...Would it help something if I did? I can. It wouldn't be hard. I can't read what you're thinking anymore, Sherlock, what's she seeing...?"
sicaria: Reaching for something. (⑽ just a touch)
Author: sicaria
"I'm sorry," she says, "I am... having a moment."
ferratus: Holding a blanket. Watchful or hiding upset. (⒁ turn the lights off carry me home)
Author: ferratus


Tony hugs Shell-and-Sherlock again.
arenaria: (someone loved me)
Author: arenaria
Hugs!

"Is it the kind of moment where you don't believe me that you're very important, even though it is literally the only thing that is so true that I could still remember it after Voice when I thought I'd invented all our alts and that there was ever such a thing as magic and my own name? That kind of moment? Will it go away if I cry on you again?"
sicaria: Dressed up. (⑺ primarily innocence)
Author: sicaria
"I believe you that I am very important to you," she says. "It is extremely obvious that I am very important to you. It is very important to me that I am very important to you."
she_sells_seashells: engaged (engaged)
Author: she_sells_seashells
"We might have to settle for that," says Bell wryly to Shell.
arenaria: (Default)
Author: arenaria
"But - but - no, you've just been putting up with it, that she thinks like that, but it's going to drive me just nuts!" Pause. "...A tiny, tiny bit more nuts?"
she_sells_seashells: (becalmed)
Author: she_sells_seashells
"I'll let you monopolize her in the couple days we spend double-checking merger parameters, see what you can do - if you can't get any farther than that, we're keeping my attitude towards the issue," sighs Bell.
sicaria: Reaching for something. (⑽ just a touch)
Author: sicaria
"I love you," murmurs Sherlock. To... everyone, really.
arenaria: (once long ago)
Author: arenaria
"I love you too," sighs Shell, just as -
she_sells_seashells: maybe (Default)
Author: she_sells_seashells
- Bell says the same thing.
sicaria: In profile, looking down. (⑾ time to go home)
Author: sicaria
Shell being the one Sherlock is currently holding, she is the one who gets snuggled.
arenaria: (thinking)
Author: arenaria
That is pleasing!
she_sells_seashells: (becalmed)
Author: she_sells_seashells
It's fine with Bell too. She's not the one who just spent decades all by herself.
sicaria: Dressed up. (⑺ primarily innocence)
Author: sicaria
Snuggle snuggle snuggle snuggle.

She wishes herself the appropriate increase in strength and stamina so that she does not have to put Shell down until requested.
arenaria: (useful)
Author: arenaria
Shell doesn't notice. She's too busy pressing herself against Sherlock like she expects this effort to eventually yield a sufficient closeness to turn them into some kind of hybrid being.
she_sells_seashells: tricky (tricky)
Author: she_sells_seashells
[Let's leave 'em be,] Bell suggests to Tony, turning to go.
ferratus: At a distance, walking. (⑻ step inside)
Author: ferratus
[Deal,] he says, taking her hand and following.
arenaria: (useful)
Author: arenaria
"You're important," Shell mumbles into Sherlock's neck. "How do I convince you, tell me."
sicaria: In profile, looking down. (⑾ time to go home)
Author: sicaria
"I don't know," she murmurs back, helplessly.
arenaria: (Default)
Author: arenaria
"Why don't you believe it? I do. Bell does too. We're smart. And she's also sane all the way through so it's not just because I've gone a little off. And Tony agrees with us!"
sicaria: Reaching for something. (⑽ just a touch)
Author: sicaria
"It is not wholly a factual matter."
arenaria: (unsettled)
Author: arenaria
Nuzzle, nuzzle, hug, sigh. "Why isn't feeling it contagious?" she asks plaintively.
sicaria: Dressed up. (⑺ primarily innocence)
Author: sicaria
"I don't know," she says. "I'm sorry."
arenaria: (someone loved me)
Author: arenaria
"I love you, I love you, I love you, I missed saying that," sighs Shell.
sicaria: Sitting on a log. (⑻ who sits by herself)
Author: sicaria
"I love you too," Sherlock murmurs.
arenaria: (chilly)
Author: arenaria
"I want to go cuddle properly. In a bed? Can we do that?"
sicaria: Sitting on a log. (⑻ who sits by herself)
Author: sicaria
"Yes."
arenaria: (once long ago)
Author: arenaria
Once they have been transported to a bed, proper cuddles ensue.

"I had all these elaborate fantasies of you rescuing me when Voice had me," murmurs Shell. "You'd take somebody's sentence for the contractor immunity - on the first try, I bet, even without the magic, just because you're - you're good at not letting things be in your way when something needs getting - and you would find me no matter how long you had to look - and you'd knock Voice down till they were scared of their own shadow, and take me away from there and hold me and never let me go..."
sicaria: Reaching for something. (⑽ just a touch)
Author: sicaria
The holding her and never letting her go part, Sherlock can definitely do.
arenaria: (someone loved me)
Author: arenaria
Oh, good, because that is exactly what Shell needs.

Bit by bit accumulated tension melts and she sinks into the snuggles.

Someone's footsteps in the next room fall in a too-familiar way and undo all of that and wind her up into a clingy shivering mess again, but she quickly assesses where she is and who's got her and slowly slowly slowly relaxes again.
sicaria: In bed, not sleeping. (⒀ no rest for the wicked)
Author: sicaria
"I love you," Sherlock says helplessly, cuddling her some more.
arenaria: (once long ago)
Author: arenaria
"I looooove you," sighs Shell. "I'm so glad I'm home and soon I can fold back into Bell and everything'll be okay and we're gonna tear Downside apart and put it back together nice and I love you."
sicaria: Dressed up. (⑺ primarily innocence)
Author: sicaria
Sherlock hugs her and kisses her and loves her.

"What are we going to do about Downside?"
arenaria: (irked)
Author: arenaria
Shell thinks, then says, "We should let Bell figure it out. My ideas are mostly the same thing with different people getting hurt. I'm not quite myself. I'm sorry."
sicaria: Reaching for something. (⑽ just a touch)
Author: sicaria
"Who gets hurt?"
arenaria: (chilly)
Author: arenaria
Shell shrinks into herself. "The people who hurt me. That's what knock down means. When torturers get into fights in what passes for politics Downside - they can't kill each other. They just hurt each other till someone's done and stands down."
sicaria: In profile, looking down. (⑾ time to go home)
Author: sicaria
Sherlock cuddles her.

"I love you. It's all right."
arenaria: (useful)
Author: arenaria
"Oh, good," sighs Shell, muffling her voice by pressing her face into her girlfriend. "I wished for a lot of things I shouldn't and I'm so glad you love me anyway."
sicaria: Serious, intent. (⑿ you know it is my choice)
Author: sicaria
"Of course I do."
arenaria: (unsettled)
Author: arenaria
Shell presses a tiny tentative kiss to Sherlock's neck and sets about trying to fall asleep.

She succeeds. Eventually.

She still talks in her sleep. The words still come without grammar, without correlation to any visible emotional state pervading her unconsciousness, without rhyme or reason.

The word selection is a bit different than Bell's.

"Dark. No - Voice. Someone. Hurts."
sicaria: In bed, not sleeping. (⒀ no rest for the wicked)
Author: sicaria
arenaria: (unsettled)
Author: arenaria
Left to her own devices, Shell will sleep and murmur worrying words for many hours.

She has not had anything to wish to be awake for in many years.
sicaria: Reaching for something. (⑽ just a touch)
Author: sicaria
Then Sherlock will cuddle her, and watch over her, and wait.
arenaria: (sobbing)
Author: arenaria
Quite apart from the murmuring, it's plain that Shell has nightmares. She doesn't lash out in her sleep, but she shivers like she's dying of cold, and between words there is the occasional high mournful whine.

She doesn't wake up during the nightmares. This has not been an effective strategy to make her experiences less nightmarish for many years.
sicaria: Serious, intent. (⑿ you know it is my choice)
Author: sicaria
"I love you," Sherlock murmurs, kissing Shell's forehead.
arenaria: (Default)
Author: arenaria
Shell wakes up.

"Oh," she sighs. "Oh, you're still here, I'm so glad."
sicaria: In profile, looking down. (⑾ time to go home)
Author: sicaria
"Yes," she says. "I am still here."
arenaria: (once long ago)
Author: arenaria
"That's good. Did you sleep too?"
sicaria: Reaching for something. (⑽ just a touch)
Author: sicaria
"A little."
arenaria: (someone loved me)
Author: arenaria
"That's good." Shell seems very comforted by the fact that Sherlock can sleep with her in the room, still.
sicaria: Smiling slightly. (⑸ smiling as she falls)
Author: sicaria
She smiles very slightly.
arenaria: (once long ago)
Author: arenaria
Snuggles.

Shell has nothing at all to do. Bell can take care of the empire. Shell is accustomed to going for a very long time without eating or drinking. She can think of no reason to move at all for the next ever.
sicaria: In profile, looking down. (⑾ time to go home)
Author: sicaria




Well.

If they spend long enough like this, Sherlock is going to want to get up and cook.
arenaria: (Default)
Author: arenaria
Shell will only know this if Sherlock tells her. Shell cannot read Sherlock's mind right now. In fact, despite having asked for coins, the only one she's used is the one that torched her. She is simply no longer accustomed to being able to do anything worth doing at all besides progress through various stages between torch and next torch, let alone with magic.
sicaria: Sitting on a log. (⑻ who sits by herself)
Author: sicaria
"I'm hungry," she says. "I am going to make muffins. Do you want muffins?"
arenaria: (useful)
Author: arenaria
"Yes," says Shell.

She doesn't appear to make the connection that in order to make muffins from scratch, Sherlock will have to be unburdened by Shell.
sicaria: Dressed up. (⑺ primarily innocence)
Author: sicaria
"Shall I carry you to the kitchen?" she suggests.
arenaria: (thinking)
Author: arenaria
"Yes."
sicaria: Smiling slightly. (⑸ smiling as she falls)
Author: sicaria
So she does.
arenaria: (useful)
Author: arenaria
Shell still has not conjured up enough inferential power to expect to be put down once they get there.
sicaria: Grinning, perhaps smugly. (⑴ I always know)
Author: sicaria
How about put down on the counter and immediately kissed?
arenaria: (not all bad)
Author: arenaria
Oh, kisses, she's missed those, muffins are instantly abandoned as a possible use of her mouth in favor of lots and lots of enthusiastic whimpery kisses kisses kisses.
sicaria: Grinning. (⑵ tell me you saw that)
Author: sicaria
Hmm. Yes. Clearly they have found a higher priority.
arenaria: (useful)
Author: arenaria
It is the highest priority. Shell has no idea how she managed to neglect this as an instant, first, essential step in Having Sherlock Again, but she is making up for lost time. Decades of it. She's sitting on the counter, so she can wrap her legs around Sherlock's middle, too.
sicaria: Reaching for something. (⑽ just a touch)
Author: sicaria
After mind-reading, this is just about the best way Sherlock can think of to say 'I love you'.
arenaria: (someone loved me)
Author: arenaria
Shell is saying it back. (And I'm somewhat obsessed with you really and I may be literally crazy about you and don't leave me, not even an inch, don't leave me).
sicaria: Dressed up. (⑺ primarily innocence)
Author: sicaria
Sherlock observes these messages, to some extent at least.



She hexes herself telekinesis, and commences making muffins.
arenaria: (not all bad)
Author: arenaria
Awww! Yes, that would be what Shell would have suggested if she were thinking that clearly. There is clearly no need to stop making out just to fix muffins.
sicaria: Smiling. (⑶ you charming creature)
Author: sicaria
They will eventually need to stop making out in order to eat the muffins. But that time has not yet come.
arenaria: (once long ago)
Author: arenaria
It will not come for a long while.

Delicious delicious Sherlock.
sicaria: Grinning, perhaps smugly. (⑴ I always know)
Author: sicaria
Kisses kisses kisses lovely lovey kisses.
she_sells_seashells: (becalmed)
Author: she_sells_seashells
Sherlock will probably notice periodic gentle brushes of Bell's mindreading, but that is the extent of the intrusion on this moment.
sicaria: Sitting on a log. (Default)
Author: sicaria
That is just fine by her.



Eventually, she announces, "Muffins."
arenaria: (someone loved me)
Author: arenaria
Shell has no verbal response, but the way she squirms says can we eat them while still snuggling?
sicaria: Reaching for something. (⑽ just a touch)
Author: sicaria
She calls one into her hand, triangles it warm-but-not-too-hot-to-eat, and presents it to Shell.
arenaria: (not all bad)
Author: arenaria
Shell bites it.

"You made me muffins," she sighs, leaning her head on Sherlock's shoulder and chewing slowly.
sicaria: Smiling slightly. (⑸ smiling as she falls)
Author: sicaria
"I did," she agrees. "Because I love you."

Nom nom.
arenaria: (once long ago)
Author: arenaria
So many things are competing for the best thing! Sherlock makes her muffins 'cause she loves her, and kisses her 'cause she loves her, and holds her while she sleeps and can sleep in the same room 'cause she loves her. All very good things.

And this muffin is the most delicious thing Shell has eaten since the last time she had Sherlock's cooking and it is much appreciated.
sicaria: Grinning, perhaps smugly. (⑴ I always know)
Author: sicaria
Sherlock observes Shell's appreciation.

Sherlock beams.
arenaria: (not all bad)
Author: arenaria
Shell has not properly completely smiled in a long time.

It's tricky.

She tries!
sicaria: Dressed up. (⑺ primarily innocence)
Author: sicaria
Sherlock kisses the attempt.
arenaria: (someone loved me)
Author: arenaria
Mmm kisses mmmmmmmmm.
sicaria: Reaching for something. (⑽ just a touch)
Author: sicaria
Kisses! Mmmmmm, kisses!